I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT….AND I AM SO EXCITED!!

I’m a planner, I plan everything, I believe if pushed I could present a very strong case for why I should win the award for ‘Planner of the Year’. If someone says to me ‘lets go to the beach tomorrow’ automatically my mind switches to planning mode. How are we going to get there? What time do we need to leave? What to wear? What to take? What necessary items do I need in case of possible eventualities – 1^st aid kit, spare money, sat nav, research beaches close by in case the chosen beach is too packed, research activities in the area in case it rains and so on…. No possibility is left unexplored!

So as you would imagine, my life is pretty well structured, very rarely am I caught short, and generally the unexpected never happens. I wish!!

In fact I probably have as many unstructured days, unplanned events, get caught short or shocked as much as the person who doesn’t plan. But what is probably different is my reaction. Because I have ‘a plan A, B, C and often D, E, F, G I can generally pull on one of these so that my reaction to the inevitable is pretty seamless. Not I hasten to add, trouble free, but generally seamless.

 Some may call me anal or controlling even. I don’t deny or view those as negatives.

I like to view my self as an easy going person, flying by the seat of my pants, going with the flow, impulsive. But for me to be that person I have to plan.

So I know the planned things that will happen tomorrow, eg work, commute, a friend over for dinner but everything else that will happen in those 24 hours (and there is always something if not ten or more something's) is completely unknown to me. And that is the bit I am excited about.

My planning (anal, controlling, obsessive nature) means that I make time to control what I can – so I know what I am going to wear to work, have a to do list of tasks to complete at work, know the times of the trains, know what I am cooking for my friend. And that is it! The rest I am open to, excited about, looking forward to!

My mind is free to notice, recognise and chase opportunities, dreams and the new and unknown.

So to me, planning may consume some of my time, but it is time well spent so that I have plenty more time to enjoy the unplanned!

 

There is a saying that says – to fail to plan, is to plan to fail……………………..

Go on try it, spend an hour or so planning your week and leave the rest to chance.

 

 

You Attract What You Act

Regardless of whether you are religious or not, you have probably heard of Adam and Eve. According to the Bible, the first two people on Earth. Again regardless of whether you are religious (or your religious persuasion) the point is here that the story told is that the first people on earth were a man and a woman and from them came the rest of the human race.

This is not a blog on religion, nor is it about Hetrosexuality – (Adam & Eve, Darren & Steve, Sally & Jane) but if this is the case that God believed and intended for Man and Woman to live together – how do we or why do we choose to go it alone?

Now of course I know that for many, going it alone is not a (conscious) choice; and if asked they will tell you that they have either given up looking; chosen to be single; happy on their own; or maybe they will tell you they are still waiting for Mr/Mrs Right to come along.

I used to hear the term ‘Smug marrieds’ referring to those happily married couples who brandished their happiness and unison to anyone that would look or listen. Now sadly, there is an emerging band of Smug Singletons – brandishing their independence, freedom, single but ample income, life choice and happiness. If they hear of a couple in trouble you hear them shout ‘that’s why I’m single…ain’t  nobody gonna do that to me’

So how easy is it to be a Smug Singleton? What does being in a loving trusting relationship bring that cannot be achieved when going it alone.

I hear all you die hard singletons shouting out – there ain’t nothing I need a partner for. I pay my own bills, own my car/home, have a good network of friends, exciting social life and supportive family – sorted!

And so I ask you, well that’s the practical stuff but what about the emotional stuff, what about the healthy stuff. Research has shown that married couples live longer!

If you are a woman (without imposing feeble stereotypes on you) what do you do or who do you call when the garden fence blows down or there’s a Tarantula sized spider in the bath??

Men, what do you do when you spill Red Wine down your best White designer shirt? How do you get the dust of the skirting boards?

I guess the answer for those questions are generally ‘pay someone to come in and fix it’ or ‘call a friend’. Yes very simple and therefore some proof that being single is practically not a problem.

Man or woman – what happens when you are upset, something happens, maybe you are the victim of workplace bullying or thinking of taking out a loan or one of your parents are very ill? What do you do? Who do you confide in? oh yes I see the pattern, you turn to one of those trusty friends! Excellent stuff.

Man or Woman what happens when you are sick? Man flu, or hospitalised or diagnosed with a serious ailment. Don’t tell me ….call a friend.

Yes I get it and am pleased for you that you have this support network (or enough cash to pay for that whole in the fence/dry cleaners etc) but what about the rest?

I mean I completely get the scenario where you have had a bad day at work (or even  a bad couple of weeks), you phone a friend, meet up and have a good old chin wag. To this end you spend the evening maybe joined by a couple of bottles of Pinot Grigio or six or seven pints of Mr Calsberg for additional support. So you tell your dear friend about the situation you have been going through, what he said/she said….what happened then/when.

Your friend in support nods, sighs, strokes and on occasion stomps their fist in shock! And so the night progresses and the stresses of your issue begin to ebb away. By the end of the night, while maybe a little tired (or worse for wear from the effects of Mr Calsberg/Pinot) the future looks a little brighter, your load feels a little lighter, the corners of your mouth are now slightly turned upwards!

So back at home you prepare for bed and as you rest your weary head on the pillow, thoughts come flooding into your mind, but what about X? and what about Y?, what if ABC? – you sit up with a sudden jolt! You look around the darkness of your bedroom and most poignantly at the pillow beside you and then the phone on your bedside table. You then reach for the mobile phone and as you touch the keypad it illuminates the room and you catch a glimpse of the clock, its 03.00am – you definitely can’t call a friend at this hour, no matter how good a friend they are.

So you put down the phone, lay back down and begin to toss and turn while you try to solve these new issues that your earlier session had not covered.

You wake to your alarm at 07.00am looking and feeling like you haven’t slept for a week.

You drag yourself into work and your colleague gives you a nod and a wink…someone looks like they had a good night last night! Wink wink (if only they knew).

So back to my point, who is really there for you to share the ups, downs and in-betweens? As you sit and watch your favourite soap, and the climax to the six week plot finally unfolds (you knew it was him) you realise you have said that out loud, but of course no one heard you. Of course it’s only 8pm you can phone that trusty friend, but really? Is this the road map for the rest of your days? (I’m sure your phone provider would be happy if it was), I know it is also very commonplace to now tell your 1,287 friends on Facebook/Twitter or other Social Network. But honestly is this really how you see playing out your days? Is this really what you want? Wouldn’t you prefer to share with your Adam/Eve?

For the sake of this blog not taking up twenty additional pages – lets ignore the reason why or how? you are currently single.

Lets for fun imagine that ‘you want a partner’. What are you doing about it? Where are you looking? What is your ‘opener’ when you see someone you are attracted to? What’s on your list for a perfect partner?

If your answer is well I’m out every weekend and all I meet is drunken low life’s who have slipped off their Wedding ring for the night. Or all the girls I meet are so hostile. My answer is two fold

a)    You are going to the wrong places

b)    You are attracting the wrong people

 If you have a list that resembles something like this below:

·         Good sense of humour and sense of dress

·         Intelligent and spiritually moral

·         Good looking

·         Working and good with money

·         Ready to commit and start a family

·         Drives and has their own car

·         No crazy ex

Are you really going to find him/her or the answers in a crowded noisy night club? Now I’m not saying you should be hanging around the library or outside Canary Wharf tube station either – but a Nightclub? Really?

Sorry but I don’t have the answer to where all eligible singletons hang out, but I do know that we attract what we act/who we are.

So if you are in a Nightclub enjoying the music, a few too many drinks and showing off your dance moves that are really only fit for the bedroom mirror – don’t be surprised when the male/female version of you approaches you.

You attract what you act!

 

It’s Saturday morning and you need a few things at the local shopping mall. You pull on yesterday’s jeans, an old Tshirt and scrunch your hair up and run out the door. You bump into Mr Right – but he doesn’t notice you, and you don’t notice him as your head’s down hoping not to see anyone!

You are out with your mates, enjoying a meal and a few pints, you are all in high spirits, the banter and liquor are flowing in equal measure. You are getting louder and louder, back slapping, burping and guffawing. On your way to the toilet a pretty dolly like woman, with a very low cut top and extremely wide belt or is it a short skirt starts flirting with you. You buy her a drink and some twenty minutes later you are leaving together in a cab. You wake the next morning, kick yourself and wonder how quickly you can get her out of your flat. Well kick yourself harder because Mrs Right was sitting two tables away from you and your mates. You missed her because your actions attracted Ms Wrong (again!!)

Okay so they are both very crude examples – but I hope they underline the message here.

YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ACT!!

·         if you don’t want anyone to see you in yesterdays Tshirt and scrunched up hair, don’t go out like it

·         if you don’t want a girl that is happy to sleep with you after a twenty minute introduction – don’t sleep with her!

 Friends, Facebook, Twitter and the like are all very comforting – but they wont hold you when you’re scared, make plans for the future or emotionally support you through life’s highs and lows.

There really is someone out there for everyone – but you have to seek them, attract them, look for them, know what you are looking for and you will recognise them when you find them

Try something different............. 

 

 

Bin it or Bind it?

We all ask ourselves this question, generally in relation to an item, say a dress…its got two missing buttons and a rip at the zip. Do you bin it or bind it. Throw it away or try and fix it? Sew or through?

Sound familiar? And like I said we all ask ourselves this question generally about an item be it that buttonless ripped dress or your car that has one too many false starts or visits to the garage.

So what about your relationships with your significant other? When things are bad….do you ask that question?  I am sure for many of you when things are ‘bad’ your first thought is BIN IT!!!

You probably are already saying to yourself, well at the time when it is SO bad that I want to bin it…..there is no scope left to BIND it.

But is that true? Really?

Take a moment………what if you were not allowed to bin it?

 

What if the LAW (not because you are married) said that couples were not allowed to split up. What if once having committed yourself to someone – there was NO way out?

For ever, for good for bad, for annoying habits, for everything, for LIFE!

So the scenario is you have been together for ten years now, you’ve had your ups and downs, you’ve had periods where you have been ecstatically HAPPY and unbelievably SAD and for the majority you have plodded along somewhere in between the two extremes.

But for the last six months you seem to be jammed in the Unbelievably Sad polar. You argue all the time, cry yourself to sleep and tell your self there must be a way out, a different option, a rainbow somewhere.

Last night it came to a head you had the mother of all arguments and you both hurled insults at each other with the pure intention of hurting the other. You cried, shouted, swore and even spent over an hour in silence. So it’s the cold light of the morning and having had a night to sleep on it – you wake up with the resolve, that its OVER  and  if you never see him/her again it will be TOO SOON!

So you start to pack and the door knocks lightly, so lightly that you convince yourself it didn’t knock. And then – it knocks again, this time more definite and forceful. You go to the door and there in their shiny uniform is the RELATIONSHIP POLICE they caution you and explain that if you leave, they will find you and arrest you. The charge Conspiracy to break a relationship. This carries a mandatory custodial sentence of ten years. Before they leave they issue your partner with the same caution.

Bloody hell you think to yourself, I have just done ten years in the relationship and now I face another ten years in a cell for the same relationship.

The relationship police leave and you sit on the chair in your room and stare at your half packed suitcase. Your partner is in the other room, also sitting staring into space (slightly shocked at the prospects their future now holds). Ten years in prison or carry on with THIS relationship!

What to do?

You hold your head in your hands and the voice in your head appears to have increased by twenty decibels. It is shouting but I hate him/her, I cant do this! Oh my Gosh my life is over!

You get up and put your shoes on and go for a walk, for the first ten minutes your voice in your head is still shouting the odds. But gradually it begins to quieten, forty minutes into your walk two things are very apparent. One – there is no voice in your head, and Two – you do not have the foggiest idea where you are!

You stand still for a minute and get your bearings. You begin to head home and as you do the voices return, but this time they are saying something completely different. They are saying I am not going to Prison, so we are going to have to make this work. You start to think of the positives that you can build on, you reminisce about the times when the majority of your relationship was spent at the other polar extreme, you start to think about their good points – while suppressing reminders of all their negatives. By the time you are at the corner of your road, you have decided that you have enough to build on. You CAN both make changes, do things differently, make a fresh start.

So you do an about turn go into the Off Licence and buy a bottle of Champagne.

As you approach your front door, you reach for your key, you pause and then place your key back in your pocket and ring the door bell. Your partner opens the door and you hold out the bottle of champagne and say ‘we need to talk’.

They smile and step back to allow you to enter. You both walk into the kitchen, get out two glasses and sit at the table. Your partner asks ‘why Champagne’ and you reply…..we have a lot to celebrate!

 

Just a thought!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s Luck Got To Do With It?

What do you think will happen tomorrow?

What happened yesterday that you expected to happen?

What happened yesterday that you DID NOT expect to happen?

What did you plan to do last year, that you still haven’t done yet?

Lots of answers and memories are probably resurfacing in your conscious mind.

Take a minute to reflect…………………

And so how do you feel now?

Do things ‘happen’ or do we MAKE them happen?

Are we controlled by our destiny? Or do we control our future?

Is there such a thing as a LUCKY person or even an UNLUCKY person?

Who knows?

What is Luck?

Is what I call Luck what you call luck?

For instance if a person finds a wallet filled with a £100 and chooses not to hand it in – one might say ‘oh he/she’s lucky they found a £100

Consider that same evening and you are on the phone to your brother and he tells you he lost his wallet containing £100, you might say ‘he has been unlucky!

So does Luck exist or is it just an event that may or may not enhance the moment, or become a stepping stone to something else?

If you buy a scratchcard and you win £50 you might think how lucky you are. However if you tallied up the number of scratch cards you had bought in the past 6 months that did not yield a return – you might find that you have finally broke even. So is that luck?

On the other hand you may have been £60 short for a specific item and this £50 windfall has brought you very very close to achieving your goal; in this instance the previous expenditure on scratchcards become an investment all leading up to this day!

I think how the event makes you feel is a good determinant of whether or not you perceive that event as lucky or not. I think the situation, the day, the time, the month, location and a whole other range of dependencies are necessary for a single event to be named as LUCKY.

I don’t know about you, but my feeling is, that for something that needs so much else to be right for IT to be right is not necessarily something I want to rely on.

I don’t rely on Luck or Lady Luck as some people call her. I rely on ME!

I am a constant, and therefore I CAN, by the choice of my attitude make a situation or event as Good or as Amazing or Run of the mill as I choose.

So if I find a wallet with a £100 in, and I choose to hand it in to the local police station. I congratulate myself, with the notion that the person who lost that wallet may get it back, they in turn will be grateful to the honest stranger and increase their belief in human kind. I now feel good (without ever having met that person or even being sure that they got their wallet back) because I know they are thanking me and wishing me well for my good nature.

I assure you that that feeling, lasts longer and is much more wholesome for my inner peace, than the guilt I would have felt while spending someone else’s money.

So where does luck come into it? I hear you say

Well I don’t know! Do You?

If Luck didn’t exist as a term, how would you explain specific events in your life?

For instance when you get the results of an exam you took and find out that you passed. Do you say ‘ooh that was lucky that I passed’

This is not giving yourself any credit for the studying you undertook, even if you didn’t put as much effort in to your studies as you would have liked, what ended up on the paper was definitely from your ‘mind/memory’ and not from Lady Lucks.

You could say oh maybe the examiner was in a good mood and marked you generously – but this is discrediting the examiners professionalism and taking away from what you have achieved.

 

Whats LUCK got to do with it?

learning to fly: You owe it to yourself

learning to fly: You owe it to yourself: Is this it?   Is your life fulfilled?    What is your answer to the following questions?   Where am I going? What is my purpose? ...

You owe it to yourself

Is this it?   Is your life fulfilled?   
What is your answer to the following questions?

 Where am I going?

What is my purpose?

Am I living my life to its fullest ?

 

I know for some of you the answers will roll of your tongue, well rehearsed, because you are living your life. Living a life that is meaningful and purposeful. You probably even have a little book (or bucket list) of places you need to go, dates for when you need to have got there, deadlines for specific achievements. You have got it all mapped out and don’t intend to waste any time of this ONE LIFE!

For others you will read the questions, struggle to answer them and then generate a whole range of reasons, excuses, people, facts for why you cant answer them yet!

And there will be a large number of you who will read those questions and feel sad. Feel sad because you know that your answers reflect a life that is not being lived to its full potential (apart from in your dreams).

If you are in the first group – well done to you! Keep doing You!  Keep moving, striving, aiming high and living.

If you are the second or third group, I understand that there always appears to be a good enough reason, to put it off till tomorrow, or a person who is holding you back. I understand that you are just waiting for the right moment, till you get that next sum of money, till the children are older, you get that new job, you lose a bit of weight, pass your test, he/she leaves, you write your plan, or what ever other reason that you use as your excuse to be dishonest to yourself!

The list can go on and on, there will always be a hundred and one reasons why you can’t start TODAY! And the reason is because as soon as that reason is not there anymore, you will replace it with another one.

 A client I met recently told me about his plans to set up his own business. His idea was very good (but as he told me his idea I couldn’t help thinking  - but this already exists) any way he told me about how as a 20 year old man he had dreamt up this idea, even sketched out a business plan. Then his girlfriend got pregnant and so he put all his energies into working harder getting extra money to pay for all the necessary baby bits. He shelved his dream for when the baby was a bit older. And then came baby two and shortly after baby three. He thought about his idea often, but there was always something else more deserving of his time.

He sat in front of me 35 years of age, father of three – lost! His dream business had been done, replicated and now offered nothing unique. He had channelled his energies into being a good dad, good provider and good partner but he felt empty. He was upset (with himself) for putting his dreams on the shelf because now he believed he had lost his chance. Of course he was happy with what he HAD achieved but he wanted MORE!

 We worked through this and looked at his options, discussed his feelings of emptiness and his desire to be MORE! His story is ongoing and he is currently looking at new ideas, but his story is not unique to him.

For many of you in group two and three you will be used to hiding behind a valid reason for not doing more. I’ve got three children, I love him, it’s convenient, I don’t have time, I’m going to do it next year……………………………………..

Nobody really challenges you because your reasons are all valid. But I know that YOU CHALLENGE YOU! – THE MAN/WOMAN IN THE MIRROR CHALLENGES YOU!

You see it is very easy to roll of legitimate sounding excuses for Why you are NOT doing, but when the lights are out and it’s just you and your conscious or when you look in the mirror and ask yourself the questions above. When its just you answering you, you know that you are selling yourself short, being dishonest with yourself.

Of course any challenge by definition is going to come with a raft of problems to overcome, issues to resolve, mountains to climb, decisions to make, choices to choose, crossroads and casualties.

These don’t have to be negative, bad or too painful. Imagine if you decided to follow your heart and do what you know to be right.

Let’s say at the moment you are in a dead end job, that just pays enough to get by. What you really want is to go to University and train as a Teacher.

There are a hundred hurdles, finding time to study, being good enough, how will you cope financially? Who will help? What about your children? The list can go on forever –

Imagine if you wrote all those questions on a piece of paper and ANSWERED them.

Finding time to study – I will ask my two closest friends to look after the children for one night a month.

Being good enough – I will join a study group, study harder, talk to the tutor/ask for help if I am struggling
Financially – I will ensure that I find out about all the grants, benefits available to me. I am already struggling to cope financially but if I do this I will get a better job and in the long run my income will be greater.
Who will help? – I have two very close friends a sister and my dad who love me. I will tell them I will need their support more than ever over the next 3 years.
My children? – will never be short of love and care. They will be inspired by my actions.

When you answer your questions you find there is always a solution.  If you don’t answer the question – it remains just that. And over time it gets bigger, rmore real and in the end it becomes a fact eg I cannot go to university because I will not have enough time to study, am not good enough, I would struggle financially, I would need help and I have three children.

Really?

Are you going to sell yourself short? Are you going to deny yourself the opportunity to live the life you deserve? Or are you going to ask yourself the questions, answer them and then go and do it!

Make yourself a promise, find an hour for yourself arm yourself with a pen and paper – write your dream at the top of it. Draw a line down the middle centre of the page and on the left hand side write down all the things that are stopping you; on the right hand side write a solution to each of these. At the bottom of the page write in big bold letters MY NEW LIFE STARTS HERE!

 

GOOD LUCK X

 

 

 

Your Dash

Many of you will have heard about ‘your dash’ but for those of you who haven’t it refers to the space in between the day of your birth and the day of your death. You see them on headstones etc ….

 If you search on Google you will see a very nice poem all about The Dash, but the essence of it for those of you who can’t be bothered to look it up is that on the day of our funeral the Priest (or equivalent type person) as they conduct our funeral (or equivalent event) would state the date of birth ‘dash’ the date of death.

Those two dates are in essence insignificant and what matters is the ‘dash’ in between. Because it is the ‘dash’ that represents our lives. It is the dash that tells the story of what we did?, who we were? What we achieved? Who we touched? THE DIFFERENCE THAT WE MADE!

This is certainly not a blog about Death, on the contrary it is about LIFE. This one chance that we get to make a difference, this one chance to do the things we want to do, live the life we dream about.

This is not a dress rehearsal – THIS IS IT!

So what is in your dash? Is it enough? Does it really depict who you are? Who you want to be? If you had to submit your dash for a midterm marking would it gain the points you wanted it to?

Well here is the good news, if you are currently not living the life you dream about, if your dash does not currently reflect what you want to be rememberd as or by; then do something about it NOW!

This is your life, make it the best you can, decorate your dash, make it the most adventurous, loudest, prettiest, funniest, happiest, zaniest, explorative, brave, bold authentic dash possible.

So what are you going to do different?