Regardless
of whether you are religious or not, you have probably heard of Adam and Eve.
According to the Bible, the first two people on Earth. Again regardless of
whether you are religious (or your religious persuasion) the point is here that
the story told is that the first people on earth were a man and a woman and
from them came the rest of the human race.
This
is not a blog on religion, nor is it about Hetrosexuality – (Adam & Eve,
Darren & Steve, Sally & Jane) but if this is the case that God believed
and intended for Man and Woman to live together – how do we or why do we choose
to go it alone?
Now
of course I know that for many, going it alone is not a (conscious) choice; and if asked they will tell you that they have
either given up looking; chosen to be single; happy on their own; or maybe they
will tell you they are still waiting for Mr/Mrs Right to come along.
I
used to hear the term ‘Smug marrieds’ referring to those happily married
couples who brandished their happiness and unison to anyone that would look or
listen. Now sadly, there is an emerging band of Smug Singletons – brandishing
their independence, freedom, single but ample income, life choice and
happiness. If they hear of a couple in trouble you hear them shout ‘that’s why I’m single…ain’t nobody gonna do that to me’
So
how easy is it to be a Smug Singleton? What does being in a loving trusting
relationship bring that cannot be achieved when going it alone.
I
hear all you die hard singletons shouting out – there ain’t nothing I need a
partner for. I pay my own bills, own my car/home, have a good network of
friends, exciting social life and supportive family – sorted!
And
so I ask you, well that’s the practical stuff but what about the emotional
stuff, what about the healthy stuff. Research has shown that married couples
live longer!
If
you are a woman (without imposing feeble stereotypes on you) what do you do or
who do you call when the garden fence blows down or there’s a Tarantula sized
spider in the bath??
Men,
what do you do when you spill Red Wine down your best White designer shirt? How
do you get the dust of the skirting boards?
I
guess the answer for those questions are generally ‘pay someone to come in and
fix it’ or ‘call a friend’. Yes very simple and therefore some proof that being
single is practically not a problem.
Man
or woman – what happens when you are upset, something happens, maybe you are
the victim of workplace bullying or thinking of taking out a loan or one of
your parents are very ill? What do you do? Who do you confide in? oh yes I see
the pattern, you turn to one of those trusty friends! Excellent stuff.
Man
or Woman what happens when you are sick? Man flu, or hospitalised or diagnosed
with a serious ailment. Don’t tell me ….call a friend.
Yes
I get it and am pleased for you that you have this support network (or enough
cash to pay for that whole in the fence/dry cleaners etc) but what about the
rest?
I
mean I completely get the scenario where you have had a bad day at work (or
even a bad couple of weeks), you phone a
friend, meet up and have a good old chin wag. To this end you spend the evening
maybe joined by a couple of bottles of Pinot Grigio or six or seven pints of Mr
Calsberg for additional support. So you tell your dear friend about the
situation you have been going through, what he said/she said….what happened
then/when.
Your friend in support nods, sighs, strokes and on occasion stomps
their fist in shock! And so the night progresses and the stresses of your issue
begin to ebb away. By the end of the night, while maybe a little tired (or
worse for wear from the effects of Mr Calsberg/Pinot) the future looks a little
brighter, your load feels a little lighter, the corners of your mouth are now
slightly turned upwards!
So
back at home you prepare for bed and as you rest your weary head on the pillow,
thoughts come flooding into your mind, but what about X? and what about Y?,
what if ABC? – you sit up with a sudden jolt! You look around the darkness of
your bedroom and most poignantly at the pillow beside you and then the phone on
your bedside table. You then reach for the mobile phone and as you touch the
keypad it illuminates the room and you catch a glimpse of the clock, its
03.00am – you definitely can’t call a friend at this hour, no matter how good a
friend they are.
So
you put down the phone, lay back down and begin to toss and turn while you try
to solve these new issues that your earlier session had not covered.
You
wake to your alarm at 07.00am looking and feeling like you haven’t slept for a
week.
You
drag yourself into work and your colleague gives you a nod and a wink…someone
looks like they had a good night last night! Wink wink (if only they knew).
So
back to my point, who is really there for you to share the ups, downs and
in-betweens? As you sit and watch your favourite soap, and the climax to the
six week plot finally unfolds (you knew it was him) you realise you have said
that out loud, but of course no one heard you. Of course it’s only 8pm you can
phone that trusty friend, but really? Is this the road map for the rest of your
days? (I’m sure your phone provider would be happy if it was), I know it is
also very commonplace to now tell your 1,287 friends on Facebook/Twitter or
other Social Network. But honestly is this really how you see playing out your
days? Is this really what you want? Wouldn’t you prefer to share with your
Adam/Eve?
For
the sake of this blog not taking up twenty additional pages – lets ignore the
reason why or how? you are currently single.
Lets
for fun imagine that ‘you want a partner’. What are you doing about it? Where
are you looking? What is your ‘opener’ when you see someone you are
attracted to? What’s on your list for a perfect partner?
If
your answer is well I’m out every weekend and all I meet is drunken low life’s
who have slipped off their Wedding ring for the night. Or all the girls I meet
are so hostile. My answer is two fold
a) You are going to the wrong
places
b) You are attracting the
wrong people
If
you have a list that resembles something like this below:
·
Good
sense of humour and sense of dress
·
Intelligent
and spiritually moral
·
Good
looking
·
Working
and good with money
·
Ready
to commit and start a family
·
Drives
and has their own car
·
No
crazy ex
Are
you really going to find him/her or the answers in a crowded noisy night club?
Now I’m not saying you should be hanging around the library or outside Canary
Wharf tube station either – but a Nightclub? Really?
Sorry
but I don’t have the answer to where all eligible singletons hang out, but I do
know that we attract what we act/who we
are.
So
if you are in a Nightclub enjoying the music, a few too many drinks and showing
off your dance moves that are really only fit for the bedroom mirror – don’t be
surprised when the male/female version of you approaches you.
You attract what you act!
It’s
Saturday morning and you need a few things at the local shopping mall. You pull
on yesterday’s jeans, an old Tshirt and scrunch your hair up and run out the
door. You bump into Mr Right – but he doesn’t notice you, and you don’t notice
him as your head’s down hoping not to see anyone!
You
are out with your mates, enjoying a meal and a few pints, you are all in high
spirits, the banter and liquor are flowing in equal measure. You are getting
louder and louder, back slapping, burping and guffawing. On your way to the
toilet a pretty dolly like woman, with a very low cut top and extremely wide
belt or is it a short skirt starts flirting with you. You buy her a drink and
some twenty minutes later you are leaving together in a cab. You wake the next
morning, kick yourself and wonder how quickly you can get her out of your flat.
Well kick yourself harder because Mrs Right was sitting two tables away from
you and your mates. You missed her because your actions attracted Ms Wrong
(again!!)
Okay
so they are both very crude examples – but I hope they underline the message
here.
YOU
ATTRACT WHAT YOU ACT!!
·
if
you don’t want anyone to see you in yesterdays Tshirt and scrunched up hair, don’t
go out like it
·
if
you don’t want a girl that is happy to sleep with you after a twenty minute
introduction – don’t sleep with her!
Friends,
Facebook, Twitter and the like are all very comforting – but they wont hold you
when you’re scared, make plans for the future or emotionally support you
through life’s highs and lows.
There
really is someone out there for everyone – but you have to seek them, attract
them, look for them, know what you are looking for and you will recognise them
when you find them
Try something different.............
