Strength

Strength 

How strong are you? I don't mean strength as in moving a wardrobe or carrying a heavy box? I mean emotional strength. Is there really such a thing? Many things are  measurable but can you measure emotional strength. Are you stronger than me? Am I stronger than you? How would you measure emotional strength?
Would you expose me and my opponent to a series of upsetting events/trauma until one of us cried out that we can take no more? Would the winner become an emotional wreck having suffered such a large scale of upset? Or would they become uber resilient?

So does such exposure make us stronger or weaker? Or is the answer it makes us wiser?

 I've always considered myself to be emotionally strong. Indeed a friend used to call me the Ice Maiden! Now don't get me wrong, I do have a heart ( a big heart) I feel pain, happiness, Love and a whole range of other emotions. I have a sense of humour, love chick flicks and romances, and get angry at cruelty and anything unfair. I suffer no fools, see my glass half full and believe everything happens for a reason (even if that reason is not obvious). I believe in cause and effect, action and reaction, and that the solution is within us.

I don't cry over matters, I find solutions - practical solutions. I fix problems, make things 'seem' better and if all else fails I'll write a letter!. That's how I deal with life, and exercise my emotional strength, if you like.

I have come to realise that those strategies (yes that's what they are) those strategies are just that. A plan to get me through a particular situation. Because life can be quite cyclical, it stands to reason that you reuse these strategies many many times. So you become adept at applying those strategies.

For the past through months, I have been going through uncharted territory, experiencing issues and emotions previously unused. For a very long while, I felt like I was drowning in these new emotions. I conceded that I did not have the strength to rise above and overcome. The uncomfortable feeling I felt at myself for giving up was almost equal to the emotions of the situation. 
During this period I felt, lost and weak and very out of control.

It took a while but I began to take control, started to chip away at the situation. By portioning the situation into bite size achievable chunks, I started to achieve small but real successes. With each small triumph I began to feel a bit better. Feeling that bit better enabled me to think clearer and thinking clearly allowed me to see glimmers of opportunities. 

I don't know if I'm 'stronger' but I do know that I understand myself better and differently. I realise that 'not crying' is not a measure of my strength.

I know now that strength is not measured by whether I can carry heavy objects. I know now it is measured by how many times I dropped that object and stooped to pick it up.