Time not Money

Have you ever been in a situation, and as if from nowhere a word to sum up the situation just pops into your head?

'Aplomb' that's the word that appeared in my mind on Sunday. I was at First borns for dinner along with Big Boy and a few family friends.

I watched Firstborn as she glided around her home with Grace and Aplomb (it's quite a funny sounding word if you say it over - go on try saying it 3 times in a row  aplomb aplomb aplomb - note how you cant help pursing your lips in a funny manner!!) so I watched her carry out task after task, often multi tasking - dishing up a plate of food, handing it to its hungry recipient while lowering the volume of the TV, responding to requests for extras while getting Little boy a drink. Putting on a pre recorded show and then using a baby wipe to clean Little girls sticky hands. A glass of wine for Little girls mum and her friends and off she strode to the bedroom to put fresh sheets on Little boys bed. Back in the room - anyone for dessert? She calls. And then pauses to comment on the discussion that is taking place.

Had she turned to look at me at that time she may have wandered why I looked so starry eyed, why my mouth was fixed with a gentle grin. If she had come closer she would have heard my heart rate had slowed and felt the pride radiating from me.

If she could see into my minds eye she would see that for a breif second I had reverted back in time to some ten fifteen years ago when she and big boy were children and I was the mother completing these tasks hosting, feeding, caring and entertaining (I don't recall being so graceful or stylish - don't think you can ever look stylish in a pair of ten year old faded Orange Florida Gator jogging bottoms can you?) fashion aside, this was my life, no this was my old life - I now am flying solo, flying by the seat oft pants......

How nice it was to look in and see a very basic example of how my parenting had paid off.

Both First born and Bigboy will tell you they had a happy childhood and as a parent that feels good, damn good! Because with Parenting there is no road map, no guide just hunches, six sense and Love.

 

childhood is what you spend your adult life getting over!

 

 I talked to my children...all the time. I didnt use fancy cliches often but when I did - I broke it down, explained the meaning behind it. I didnt leave them second guessing 'adult speak' I translated it to suit their knowledge ability and the situation at hand. I didnt back my self into a corner and then use the old age 'adult card' - because I said so. Maybe I told them too much too young, but if I did I hope I also instilled in them an inquisitive streak to know more. They were fortunate that their father was 'well read' not necessarily in the classics although he had read some of the greats. The father read anything and everything mixed with the fact his favourite channel being the Discovery Channel (so he and one other watch that!!) so while I talked a lot, he knew alot. So many of our children's questions were answered. As a family we read, watched and talked ALOT.

 

So am I sitting here blogging and bragging that I got it right!!!

 

Not at all, my job is not over - remember children are for life, not just for Christmas. Nor am I saying that my children have turned out absolutely fabulously only ever making the correct choices in their young lives. I am not saying that I have not on occasion literally banged my head against a brick wall asking my self ' why me?'

 

No not  atall

 

What I AM saying is I Love it, I Love being a mother, I Loved (most) of the very early years, spent much of their junior years laughing and their teenage years were enlightening to say the least.  Now they are adults, and I continue to Love it.

 

If you are pregnant or a parent what ever the age of your child, what ever your family life is like at this moment. Whether everything is just dandy, or you are looking at your teenagers as if they are strangers! Embrace and be proud of your role, be grateful for this opportunity to shape this young life. Think about who you want your child to be? think about the experiences you expose them too. This is not about money, this is about TIME give your children 'time' make time for your children, put it in your diary if you have to. It could be an hour a day or an hour a week, however much or little you can spare. Use that time wisely and exclusively (no TV in the background) if its reading a book then spend half the time reading the book and the other half talking about the book. 

 

One day you are going to wake up and you will be sitting at their dinner table, visiting them in their home - they in turn will be phoning you to make sure YOU are ok. The tables will have turned and what will help you (and them) is their ability to communicate, to you, their partner, their employer, the bank manager . What will help you to maintain a significant role in their life is the relationship you have created during thier formative younger years.

 

Go on try it...look in your diary find an hour an undisturbed hour ( a whole hour) and spend it with your child, children. Ask them questions, their opinions, see what happens.

 

Let me know what happens, let me know how you felt, your children's reactions, I'd love to hear